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Rant also on This forum, except with less pictures because of a "picutre post limit" or something.
On to mission 3… Perpare the gravy…. And by the looks of the feathers in the gravy, it seems PETA sucks at preparing a feast. They are probably doing this on purpose. Just like the banjo music… which has finally gotten to me. I know there are some people who cannot stand 10 seconds of banjo music… but for me… I grew up listening to the depressing crap known as the Country Music genre… I've played Redneck Rampage!... that and I grew up playing shovelware liscenced crap by LJN… hence I tend to have a certain degree of tolerance when it comes to playing crappy games whereas normal reviewers would delete this game off their harddrive and contemplate sending mail bombs to PETA headquarters.
…
Seriously, this music is starting to get on my fucking nerves.
…
…
…the hell’s the mute button?
…
…fuck…
…
…You know, in Super Chick Sisters, there’s an option to mute out the game. I’m not talking about the “volume control” on the start bar… the mute button was an actual feature of the game. See, look?
Hell, in my Let’s Play of the game, I muted the game itself and played kickass music over the generic drivel that was the game. Here in Cooking Ripoff, when I go into Windows Media Player… I cannot play the greatest hits of Ristar or Persona 3 because I had to mute the PC using Volume Control, hence I cannot hear any music. So, PETA pisses us off soundwise by saying “You know what… either listen to the banjo music that we provide, or listen to nothing at all. Well, two can play at that game…
…
I win
…
Note my aforementioned wallpaper of Reimu and Hanyu in the background which is infinitely better then anything that PETA can come up with. Waitaminut… I haven’t used my MP3 player in 6 months, and it’s out of battery power for some reason.
…
FUCKKKKKK
Also note, it doesn’t matter what scores you get, it doesn’t matter if you get perfects on the game… you’ll still end up getting the same things, and the same message. In other words, there really isn’t any replay value in the game, except for high scoring affairs… which is kinda pointless unless it’s on Xbox live.
…
LETS MAKE GRAVY
#1: Chop the neck
This is the same thing as the “chop the head off” mission… except you got to cut along three lines instead of one…. You know what, why the fuck am I chopping a turkey neck with a butterknife? This knife is blunt, get me another one… no not THAT one! This is retarded, I refuse… I’ll let the timer run out for all I care.
Is it just me, or do I see a blunt force mark on the head of the turkey, that somehow magically showed up just now? …fucking inconsistent.
“Don’t be a Saint”? Hey… I like Saints row! What, you think I should join the Los Carnales? The Rollerz? The Vice Kings?!? FUCK NO THOSE GANGS FUCKING SUCK!!!
…
So I redo the mission, and I got the “Too nice”, because there’s an apparent 10 second delay between cutting a piece of the neck and the time where it says “mission complete”. Fuck it… let’s keep going…
#2: Saute the body parts
This is simply the same mission as the “Mix the crap with the invisible spoon” mission, albeit with a few more stuff thrown into it. Sure you turn on the stove and you put the ingredients in the frying pan no problem… and then we get to the frying pan part, and… hey, the motions, it’s actually responding…. Sure the hit detection of the frying pan is iffy as all hell, but at least it’s actually responsive, unlike the spoon.
Also, why we didn’t bother to cook the raw organs before we sautéed them is anybody’s guess. Why are we just putting random crap into a pot and calling it “gravy”? Isnt it easier just to use gravy mix? Ah fuck it… this game makes no sense.
#3: Strain the gravy
This is actually hilarious…. Because it requires you to strain the gravy FROM A HOT FRYING PAN WITH YOUR BARE HANDS!!! Again why is our protagonist not wearing any GLOVES while straining gravy that is BOILING HOT? …and why the fuck is he/she/it not using a METAL STRAINER like a normal food service preparer would? Does PETA think all food service individuals are fucking retards? “Durrrr… I’m going to reach into BOILING HOT GRAVY and pick out all the bones and feathers that are inside”. Also, Gravy is normally made in a POT instead of a fucking frying pan... I'm amazed I didnt make a fucking mess when I sauted the crap together. I expected to sploosh the gravy mix all over the burning element and burn the house down or something... anyways... Oh, so NOW we see chicken feet.
…let’s keep going…
COMPLETE
That turkey still looks like crap, and apparently we did a shitty job of straining the gravy, since there are still and feathers on it… And we still haven’t cut off the wings and the legs on the turkey… hold on a second…
You’re telling me that although you cut off one leg and put it in the gravy mix… but yet you still LEAVE THE OTHER LEG STILL ON THE TURKEY!!! I rest my case… PETA thinks all food service people are fucking retarded.
…
We’re almost done this game, you know why? Because we get yet another message about “what momma didn’t tell you”… giving me another bullshit message about factory farms and how they don’t have any legal protection… bla bla bla… I get pissed off, and we get another video about Turkey slaughter…
…
“mama kills turkeys WEB BANNER”?!?
…
I have nothing to say about that. I mean, I once downloaded a web banner before, it was called the “Google Toolbar” or something. I found it impractical in actual internet surfing so I deleted it. I’m not going to bother with this one, k? Moving on.
What the hell?
…well, that was… sudden…
…seriously, this character development is really unconvincing. You telling me that Momma SUDDENLY turned from some sadistic knife wielding bitch to a benevolent supporter of Senator Veg?.... no… NO… that’s not… just no… it’s like if Adolf Hitler suddenly decided to make an announcement to the world saying “You know what, I apologize for the ruthless conquering of Poland and 90% of Europe. I also love Jewish people now even though I killed millions of them by shoving them into gas chambers”. No offense to Haulocaust survivors for making such a reference, but the character development in this game is rushed and very unrealistic…. Sure, it is POSSIBLE for one to redeem themselves from infamy *coughmetallicacough*, but this sort of change does not occur overnight.
…I think Mama has bi-polar disorder or something….
CHAPTER 4 UNLOCKED – MAMA LOVES ANIMALS
…oh, so Mama LOVES animals now? Doesn’t this defy the logic set during the first 3 missions of the game? Oh wait… we went into Flopside and switched psychobitch mama with her complete polar opposite, so now we get nice mama instead of mean bitch mama.
#1: Mash the Tofu
…ok, why the fuck is this mission piss easy compared to the rest of the game? All I did was mash the mouse button, and before I knew it I got a perfect score…. Oh, it’s easy to crumble Tofu because you don’t have to mix it with an invisible spoon! Oh get bent, PETA….
Of course I’m better then mama… because I’m powered by coffee, Red Bull, and Tsukihime Hentai... Not by stupid tofu.
#2: Shape the Tofu turkey
...mmm… bean curds…
Again, another easy mission… simply click and drag on the arrows, which for some reason is ACTUALLY RESPONSIVE… and I’m done. I get the obligatory “Better then Mama” message, and I’m off to the next mission.
So yea, I get your message PETA, You’re implying that making Tofu turkey is easier then that of preparing an actual turkey. Rolling tofu into a ball is apparently more responsive then cutting along a SPECIFIC line with a butterknife. I hate you PETA.
…ok, what’s next…
#3: Baste the tofu-turkey
…seriously, why the fuck are these missions so easy?... I'm a bastar for playing this.
…”oaaahhdurrr… making tofu is much easier then making an actual turkey”… pssschchh this is less a pretentious message of pro-vegetarianism and more of some half-assed excuse to NOT fix the hit-detection issues in the last 3 missions. What, did the Beta testers get lazy during the last 3 chapters… but yet for some reason did a decent job at testing THIS stage? …inconsistent fucks…
“Better then Mama?” Of course we’re better then mama…. And we’re better then electorial candidate Veg. From a statistical standpoint, Stephen Harper destroyed the Green Party in the last federal election.
This game is pissing me off… both figuratively and literally… NEXT….
#4: Cook the tofu turkey.
…I’m not even going to bother with posting a screenshot here. It just the same thing as cooking a real turkey. I’ve already explained the timing puzzle in the last series…
COMPLETE!
Ok… you don’t need to rub it in you pretentious fucks. Also, it’s nice to see a change in music. We now hear generic annoying piano music instead of generic annoying banjo music.
…ah eat my banjo.
…let’s see what we get now…
…
“What Mama never told you”… bla bla bla turkeys… bla bla personalities… we then get a link to “Delicous Turkey free recipes” and another wallpaper. This time it’s “Mama loves animals” instead of “Mama kills animals”. Oh what a contrast…
…and then we get what I think is the most unintentionally hilarious pile of crap that I’ve seen since PimpinmasterDX’s Darknessthecurse rant…. Hell, it might be as hilarious as Chris Crocker’s “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE” VIDEO... because it's so cheesy, that any rage I had until this point has been filtered into the emotions of me laughing my head off. Sanity does not exist in my realm.
BECAAAUUUUSSSE OF YOU is an annoying Kelly Clarkson song…. Followed by a message which basically urges me to become a vegetarian….
"Now you know what it's like to kill an actual turkey"...
...umm... I didnt kill no turkey. The turkey was already dead the moment I started yanking it's feathers off. I just prepared it in what looked like the most half-assed and unsanitary methods possible. Maybe the "killing" is supposed to be thoughtful and symbolic... as in "I 'killed' a turkey dinner because I FORGOT TO CUT OFF THE WINGS AND LEGS BEFORE I SHOVED THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN!!! Also, judging by the boils on the cooked turkey... um... yea, I killed that cooked turkey because I infested it with the Bubonic Plague or something" Thanks for the misleading message there, PETA...
...you jerks...
I doubt that sort of subtle message is nonexistant to PETA anyways, judging as how Cooking ripoff and Super Mario Ripoff turned out.
“Take the Pledge to be Veg”.
…um… no thanks. I can understand the message that you’re trying to put across, PETA… but unfortunately the presentation and how you convey your message is for all the wrong reasons. What this game implies is that “People that eat meat = Hitler… people that eat vegetables = GREATEST PEOPLE EVAR.... PEOPLE WHO EAT MEAT ARE ALIENS WHO GO BLARRRAAXXXXRHH AND ZAP YOU FROM THEIR INTERGALACTIC STARSHIP”.
I have nothing against vegetarians, but after playing this game, I get the impression that there’s a society of vegetarians willing to cram their beliefs down our throats… just like Religious extremists and Sonic fanboys. It’s also funny to note that the moment you click “return”, you get sent back to the title screen where happy mama suddenly turns into “knife wielding bitch” mama… implying that she didn’t learn a thing when she temporarily turned nice.
…hold on a second… why the hell did it take so fucking long to get the last screenshot… I’m suspicious at the horrendous amount of lag that I experiencing while opening up MSPaint… I’m going to play the game again with process explorer running beside it…
Ok, forget about what I said earlier about this game not taking up as much resources as super chick sisters.. this game sucks like a whore. I’ve played through the game, AGAIN… this time with process explorer running in the background. Granted, for most of the game, the CPU usage is about 60% to 70%, but for some reason it is mostly throughout the ending cutscene that the resource usage JUMPED by about 40%. Wow, that pulsating text takes up a lot of system resources, give me a break, you morons…
Lol nitpicking
So yea, PETA is back to it’s old shenanigans… I exposed them for the idiots they are… again, and I’m off to cleanse my mind of such garbage.
HARE HARE YUKAI…. GOOOOOooooOOOOOoooo forever. AMAZE ME WITH YOUR CAREFULLY PLAYED OUT AND EXTREMELY OVERRATED DANCE!!! YES I WILL BUY THE 2ND SEASON OF THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA WHEN IT COMES OUT FIVE YEARS FROM NOW IN NORTH AMERICA. This is so not me being prone to demonic posession because playing through this crap gave me super-dimensional UBERpowers of supersexy otakuism...
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...fuck it, I'm going to play some Super Paper mario...
This post has been edited by Faze: 21 November 2008 - 08:54 PM
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